author: Penka Yaneva
Learning about the child's diagnosis, parents experience very strong negative emotions. The emotional experiences of parents go through different stages. It starts with the question "why did it happen to us?", searching for answers, going back to the past, memories of actions or genetic burden.
The initial shock that comes with the news that their child has a disability is a major mental upheaval, and many parents describe it as "the whole world came crashing down on me". They find themselves in a hopeless situation and fall into despair, regret, fear, a sense of injustice, hopelessness and helplessness. This sometimes leads to the disruption of the parents' relationship, which directly affects the emotional state of the child.
The needs of children with disabilities and their place in society
The next stage is the so-called emotional crisis. This is a period of despair or depression. The parent cannot come to terms with the fact that his child has a disability. Adverse reactions continue, but are not as severe. They fall into a state of apathy, quiet anger, injustice, insecurity and despair. Feeling guilty is common. It is caused by the belief that because of them the child is in this state and guilt that they were not able to do anything for their child. During this period, the parents are pessimistic about his future. They become aggressive towards their environment and there is a high probability that this behavior will reflect on the father and separate him from the family.
It is possible that the father shows disinterest in the problems of his spouse and child, indulges in alcohol or his professional activity and finally leaves the family. There are many reasons for a father to leave the family. Most describe them as selfishness and desire of fathers to escape from duties, situations and problems in raising a child with disabilities.
There are quite a few cases that contradict common beliefs. Fathers suffer no less than their wives, even more. The Bulgarian man in our culture is strong and steadfast, and if the woman expresses her emotion by crying, the man suppresses this emotion inside himself and has difficulty reacting to this tension. This kind of behavior grows into a deep depression disguised as indifference. They give the impression that they are indifferent, but in fact they feel feelings of despair, hopelessness and helplessness.
On the other hand, the mother, taking care of her child, pressured by various situations and problems, can make a lot of unnecessary claims to her husband and, based on this, provoke his separation from the family. Negative family relationships and experiences affect the child's mental state, disrupting good communication with him and leading to a lack of emotional contact and a need for safety.
Attitude towards children with disabilities today in our country and around the world
The anger that arises as a normal reaction to loss in some of the parents is directed outwards, looking for the fault of the specialist who managed the pregnancy, the partner with a genetic burden or a medical error in the child's birth. For others, the anger is directed inward, blaming herself for not being careful enough with her pregnancy, such as eating healthy, attending more frequent check-ups, etc. This inner anger often turns into deep depression.
The bereavement-like grief experienced by many parents of children with disabilities is based on expectations. In fact, the child is alive, but not healthy and normal like all children. In such a case, their parents have to change their settings according to the health, motor, intellectual and social development of their child. Grief, even overcome for a time, can re-emerge at a stage in the child's development that the child cannot reach.
A sense of helplessness and confusion - fear of the future, whether they will cope with the responsibilities that lie ahead, fear of the reaction of others, even shame of showing their child to the world.
Apparent adaptation to the situation is the next period that occurs in the parental experiences of raising a child with disorders. Here, parents build an incorrect image of the child that prevails over reality. A defense mechanism such as not recognizing that their child has a disorder is common. Parents do not want to notice their child's disability and downplay and ignore the diagnosis. They begin to search and communicate with different specialists with the desire to hear a different diagnosis than the one already made.
CHILDREN WITH DISABILITIES - PUNISHMENT OR A LIFE LESSON IN LOVE
Denial and non-acceptance. Many parents do not accept the diagnosis and believe that their child can be cured. They look for new specialists, expensive manipulations and operations, turn to paramedics and treatment methods or healers. All this leads to a continuous waste of time and money. Denial is the first signal reaction of parents. They cannot believe that a child different from others appears in their world. They instinctively build unrealistic ideas about the diagnosis and development of the child, because in most cases during the first months, the child may not look different from the others
Blaming others is another defense mechanism that can be triggered in parents. For example, they blame the doctors for negligence, incorrect manipulation or wrong action performed during the pregnancy, birth, vaccination or treatment of the child. Some believe that a supernatural force intervened for the child's condition, a punishment for previous bad deeds. The presence of genetic disturbances in the family leads to parents blaming each other for the health condition of the child, or seeking responsibility from the other for insufficient care, foresight and protection.
© 2024 Iliana Dechkova