Author: Lilia Boneva
Today, some women make a child for themselves - a doll, an idol, an idol, and begin to deify it, to educate it, to take care of it, not seeing that in many cases, this idol that they are is a way of life to distract them from themselves and from the problems they have to solve with themselves. But the Woman-Mother has stubbornly and firmly decided not to look at herself, but to be the most dedicated Mother, after all, her child is God himself, who came down to Earth for Her, her Prince, Her Treasure!
It never worked out with men, but it's good that God is merciful, so he sent her this little angel! She is an absolutely devoted Mother, 1000 percent in the Child, but when her Child is almost gone she falls into an unimaginable hole, her whole life no longer has any meaning. However, this idol gradually begins to hate its Mother, because no Living Soul wants to be turned into an idol, does not want to be limited, closed, possessed. Then the Woman-MegaMother turns and says to her big-little idol - I gave everything for you, and you insulted me, and her idol replies, "Mom, you're such a good mother, but why don't you just look into the Abyss within yourself."
Ivaylo DobrevSt
~~~~~~
I assume that the author of this text, Ivaylo Dobrevst, had in mind the type of mothers of sons who we have heard say "I gave birth to the ideal man". My observations are that usually these mothers are women, deeply disappointed with the man next to them, and from there with the entire male half of the world, and they indulge in an all-absorbing maternal care and guardianship, which they call "love" and which looks very much like soft said to be a "disservice" to their son. I have met grandmothers in my practice who are so devoted - usually to their grandchildren, rarely to their granddaughters. They can even completely replace the mother and father in the life of their grandson and become "everything and everything" for him with living parents. And to remain the most significant figure in their lives.
The case is also complicated when the male figure is missing in a family configuration, and a boy is raised only by the women in the family - mother, grandmother, aunt, older sister/s, and everyone revolves around the little boy. This is total a deficiency of male energy and of a male model in the boy's life. The absence of a father and/or a male figure such as a grandfather, uncle, godfather or close family friend marks a boy's entire life, especially after the age of three.
And everyone manifests it in a different way already during childhood, especially in the teenage years and it is most visible after the age of 20. And the relationship with the mother, who sacrificed and gave her life to her only son, varies in extremes:
- or completely breaks away and turns against his mother;
- or in turn he sacrifices himself for his mother and takes the role of his mother's husband, and she takes the place of his wife/partner and thus he remains "married to his mother";
- the son shows loyalty and begins to behave like the absent father, even if he has never seen and known him - he repeats it in his behavior, thus reminding of his excluded father.
Other scenarios are also possible, but any wavering in the direction of "I am both father and mother" (including the trap of single parenthood), any placing of the child on a pedestal by the parent/parents is a major violation of the law of order and hierarchy ,which we, birth therapists, call "entanglement". A separate topic is about dedication, which from a generic point of view is also a violation, but of the law of balance. Such a violation automatically creates prerequisites for the appearance of a new member of the genus, which will be all-accepting... and no one wants that to happen, right?
Dear mothers, who gave their lives to their son, this motherly dedication is anything but love, and even less motherly. This is a reaction of the ego, not of love. The law of love in the family states that parents owe their children care and responsibility (up to a certain age and only to their children, they are not obliged to raise their grandchildren as their own children), and the children return their love in the form of of honor and respect to his parents.
Every person has both a mother and a father - allow your son his father to be present in his life, do not stand in their way to each other - this is extremely important for him, and for you as a mother, if you want to raise and educate a a complete person for himself, for his family and for the world. The devotion of motherhood is only from 0 to 3 years of age, when your child feels the physical and emotional need to be inseparably close to his mother around the clock. The consequences of this lack at this age are emotional wounds that hurt and are carried by the children for the rest of their lives, and the consequences of them are felt by everyone with whom they communicate.
And I see the price these sons pay almost every day...
Lilia Boneva
obstetrician
according to the method of Aida Markovska
"In our roots are hidden the life forces that we all need"